


Broken

by jayjayverse



Series: Yes to heaven [2]
Category: Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616
Genre: Bonding, M/M, POV Tony Stark, Sad, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Wingfic, Wings, mention of past torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:34:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27530845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jayjayverse/pseuds/jayjayverse
Summary: Tony can't keep doing this, but he can't give in, Tony just can't fool himself and agree to try to start something with Steve that will ultimately disappoint him, he can't fool him, he can't break him, Tony just can't do that to Steve.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: Yes to heaven [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2012176
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	Broken

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so… This has been sitting in my drive for almost a year but I was unsure, I know this is not what all of you would like to read about this specific AU, but it is what came to me when I was thinking “Yes to heaven” and wanted to write something (Like Steve hugging Tony and kissing him and making him happy), it is sad , but it's kind of Tony's POV.
> 
> Not beta reader, I try my best to write this right but if there are mistakes sorry.

If he close his eyes he can still feel the lost appendages, the comforting sensation of his wings surrounding him, protecting him from the world, closing around him, allowing him to breathe again locked in a semi-darkness, making him feel warm and a comforting sensation fills him completely, like when he was a little boy ready to jump straight into his mother's arms, to be loved, completely covered in her scent, protected.

In fact, as soon as his wings surround him he can feel the characteristic smell of his feathers filling the space, screaming that he is in a safe place, that he is at home, it is the subtle smell of his mother clinging to Tony's base smell, the acidity of the Howard's smell is also mixed deep down below all the others, because there is fresh coffee, motor oil and the refreshing smell that is just Tony, who always found electrifying, like a cloudy day, like when it is about rain, but the first drops of rain have not yet fallen, like when he was a bit foolish and he went flying before a storm and hurt a wing, it is freedom and innocence, which is washed from his mind when he moves one of his wings and he can't feel the feathers scraping his cheek.

All of that is a lie, because there are no more smells, he can no longer smell the sweet smell of his mother on his skin, there is no more fresh coffee, motor oil or electrifying smells, there is no warmth, there is no freedom and innocence It's been a long time lost.

He's stupid and silly, but he can't help but move one of his hands behind his back, the closest to where his wing should be, where the base should be, where there are only scars of skin torn years ago, it's like icy water falling unceremoniously on him, waking him up and he tries with all his might to stop the pain that overwhelms him, as if he were there again, surrounded, dying while piece by piece his wings are broken, cut, each elusive feather is torn from the base, it is fragile, it is pain in its purest state.

And when he can't take it anymore, amid the agonizingly slow delirium to which he is subjected, he faints, they stop, but it doesn't last long, because as soon as they return to the same talk, the torture returns, there is no respite, they want what everyone wants from Tony, a new weapon, his brain and they will not stop, not even when there is nothing more to cut, when they have left him more broken than he is worth, when every part of Tony screams for death.

He doesn’t know that he is crying until his own sobs take him out of his thoughts, it is stupid to allow himself over and over again to stir the loss, but it is a necessary reminder, because he has to remind himself how broken he is to have the strength to say the words again when Steve approaches once again full of promises, when in his stubbornness Steve argues against Tony, because according to Steve they have already taken the first step, they have formed a bond.

"you gave me a home" Steve said, as if that was a sure sign that Tony has tried to provide and give security to his mate, when in reality, Tony has done this for every team member.

"You seek my touch as much as I seek yours" he had said as he tried to reach out and touch Tony, really touch him, on his skin and not just as a touch that is detected by the armor, Tony had wanted it so much, he had longed for it, but Tony wanted so badly to be touched, needy even, because no one wanted to touch him, not really, not when he was this, hardly a man, barely desirable, broken in more ways than he could argue with Steve, so he had moved away from Steve. and he had avoided any contact with him after that talk, even with the armor, Tony no longer allowed Steve to touch him.

"Our smells are intermingled, you know?" Steve said one morning with a soft sad smile on his lips when Tony had bumped into him one morning in the kitchen with a cup of tea in his hands, Tony closed his eyes, he was tired and tried to mask the pain that the cruel words Steve's had been done to him, because Tony could barely smell himself and he didn't even have the oil glands in his wings anymore to even be able to make that happen, to be able to fully mate with Steve, so he'd just denied with the head "You still smell the same as when we found you."

Because it was true, Steve smelled of cake, paper, leather and a smell that reminds Tony of summer afternoons by the sea, warm, full of all good things, everything Tony has always wanted, home, happiness, hope… he had cut off his thoughts, because it hurts to think of Steve's scent, there is not a hint of everything Tony had ever smelled intermingled with Steve's scent and the look of pain on Steve's face only made it worse, so Tony had left the room without whatever he had come for in the first place.

His fingers moved over the scar, almost as if it were the first time he had touched it, almost reverently, exploring, feeling the muscle on the bone, there are parts that are sensitive and others where he cannot feel anything, it distracts him from how much the last few days have been painful and how every talk with Steve leaves him drained, how he is foolish enough to find himself putting away Steve's feathers to find some comfort when he's drunk enough that nothing matters, he can drown in the smell and dream of a different life, where he can give Steve everything he needs, everything he deserves.

Tony can't keep doing this, but he can't give in, Tony just can't fool himself and agree to try to start something with Steve that will ultimately disappoint him, he can't fool him, he can't break him, Tony just can't do that to Steve, he can't allow Steve to settle for a man full of broken, battered pieces, joined together in what can hardly be considered a pattern that barely fits, a frayed and torn version of what Tony Stark once was.

Maybe one day Steve will realize that Tony is not what he wants, that Tony is not mate material and will finally be free to find someone better, someone who can give him everything Tony can't.

**Author's Note:**

> Maybe one day I can write something nice for this AU, maybe with a happy ending, maybe one day I'll come back to draw something for this one-shot.
> 
> So yeah, hope you like this mess and see you later :)


End file.
